As language has evolved over the centuries, much has been lost in translation. Taking anything from its multi-dimensional form and transforming it into a flat, one-sided image forces us to only see one side. Depending on who is creating the image, which side they prefer—or prefer to show—and what their intention is in sharing the image will greatly influence what single image is revealed. I’d also venture to say different angles of that multifaceted true original form hold different meanings depending on where you are standing, what you value, and what that which you are seeing means to you personally. This is part of the reason I felt inspired to create this blog series. Taking a multifaceted-meaning spoken word and flattening it on a piece of paper, offering with it a finite meaning from looking at a single angle, and blindly using that one image could create quite a confusing future in which we end up not even really knowing what we are saying with the words we are using.
A beautiful teacher and someone I consider a brother and a friend though we’ve only met once in person, named Dale Allen Hoffman, opened my eyes to the deeper meaning behind words–what is lost in translation from spoken to written words. With applying Dale’s teachings, along with the philosophies I’ve adopted over the past few years, I’m offering to you a new definition on the meaning of marriage. I have found to be true through coaching others, and from my personal experience, that often the most intimate relationships seem to cause the most heartache and struggle, and today I hope to open your eyes and your hearts to a new way of viewing, approaching and committing to your partner, and most importantly, to yourself. Regardless if you are married, believe in marriage, jaded by failed marriages or hoping to one day experience this union, I encourage you to keep reading, and challenge you to apply and experiment with taking this approach into any and every relationship you have in your life, despite the label you use to define the relationship.
When I looked at the root of the word “wed” I discovered what I believe to be the most accurate description of what we are truly signing up for when we marry another person. I found that to wed means “to pledge, covenant (the root of which is “come together”) to do something”, “to promise” and “to pledge, to redeem a pledge.” Many of us already think of marriage as a promise or commitment to another person. Rarely do we push past that commitment to the other person to find the multidimensional sides to our agreement. I decided to go a step further with this root meaning and also apply a couple other beliefs I follow in my life and found a new perspective on marriage that makes my heart sing, and I hope will do the same for you.
First, I applied my belief that the world is a reflection of ourselves and that other people are showing us what we need to learn about ourselves. Next, I added Dale’s teaching of how when languages were only spoken, masculine referred to the object in physical form—or what is seen, and feminine referred the thought of the object—or the unseen behind the seen, as I like to say. This got me thinking of the Bible’s teachings and references to the coming together of man and woman in matrimony in a whole new and expanded way. With all these rolled together, I now view marriage as a commitment to myself to discover my balance between the seen and the unseen behind life, partnered with the perfect person to reveal all of my imbalances in order for me to heal myself, and learn 100% unconditional acceptance for myself and others.
I don’t know about you, however for me this perspective creates an enhanced level of commitment, patience, adventure, excitement and inspiration when I think of my marriage and the amazing partner Life/God/the Universe sent my way. On the days where I question showing up for my partner, I show up for myself. On the days I question showing up for myself, I show up for each of you to show you what is possible when you commit to self-love.
For anyone reading this in a marriage, preparing for your first or your fifth, I encourage you to consider taking on this perspective and commit to yourself above all when you commit to someone else, and use the gifts that your partner is reflecting to you to discover the truths about yourself, heal your past heartaches (mis-perceptions), and love like you’ve never loved–yourself or another–before. When you truly reach the point of unconditional self-love and acceptance, your beautiful partner will faithfully reflect that back to you. Until you reach that point, it’s not your partner that needs to change—emotionally, physically, or literally by replacing them with another. In truth, it is you—your perspective, your mis-perceptions of what the other person is showing you, and your current level of self-love and acceptance. All of this, I believe to be true from my own experience. As with anything I offer to you, try it for yourself and develop your own truth.